One-Year Anniversary

     Well, I've taken yet another trip around the sun since I was deemed crazy and a threat to others by a bitch who's opinion isn't worth much (see posts from July 2013), and I gotta say, so far, so good.  I haven't managed to hurt anyone yet.  I have learned some things though.  

      For one thing, PTSD isn't the greatest disorder to have.  Most people only associate it with major, large-scale stuff, like war and tragedies like 9/11.  Contrary to popular belief, it can happen from a vast accumulation of little things.  Or from beng traumatized in untraditional ways.  Another thing is, you don't go around wearing a big old sign saying "I have PTSD, please stay out of my personal space."  It's manageable for me, though, and I know thousands of others are much worse off, so I'm not going to waste a lot of blog space complaining.  

     I've learned who I can count on and who I can't and I've learned to be ok both sorts of person, whether they be family, friends, former co-workers and acquaintances.  No one can be everything to everyone they know.  

     I've learned to trust only my family and my very best friends.  Nothing wrong with giving up my stupid urge to see most others through rose-colored glasses.  I'm not perfect, I certainly don't deserve to be seen that way, and therefore there is no need for me to give anyone else a free pass.  You want my trust, you gotta earn it.  And it ain't gonna come easy, if it ever comes at all.  Don't take it personally, though.  It's just my new policy.  

     I've learned a lot of new skills and hobbies.  Too many of those to mention. Some were for fun, some for survival, and others just to keep me busy and teach me to slow down during long periods of waiting.  None of them were goals I ever had.  Most of them I like to keep to myself because it really doesn't pay for others to really know all the capabilities I have.  I had to learn on my own, everyone else can do the same if the need should ever arise and they aren't too lazy and don't waste their time acting helpless.  It isn't that hard. 

     I've learned to wait out every low point, hour-by-hour, minute-by-minute and even second-by-second at the very worst times.  Something better always comes along eventually. 

     I've learned my husband loves me and supports me way more than I could ever imagine or expect.  He didn't sign up to have a crazy wife who would decide to walk away from a stable 20+ year career.  He doesn't understand me, he usually doesn't know how to help, but he has hung in there.  I would never have asked that of him, and he knows it. But he just does it anyway. 

     I've learned to trust my gut instinct when it comes to first impressions.  It is right 99% of the time.  I really think that would be 100% of the time so far, but I probably still have some living to do, and there's always a chance I'll be wrong at some point.  

     I'm still learning to slow down, take my own sweet time and let the rest of the world either wait for me or go on without me.  Maybe I'll catch up, maybe I won't.  In the end, it's really not going to matter.