Open Season

      Well, we've made it through December and the most magical week of the entire year in southern Ohio has already come and gone:   Deer season.  Thousands of camouflage-clad men and boys from parts unknown converge upon our little tight-knit communities in droves.  Supposedly, these guys are search of the elusive whitetail deer.  

Here's how it works:  They hitch the dilapidated 1970s camper to their late-model shiny show pickup and hit the road, bound for a place in which they would never otherwise willingly visit.  It's all just a ploy to escape their lives and wives for a solid week and enjoy the company of their drinking buddies without being nagged to take out the trash.  Or to take a shower.  
       This year, I decided it was time to turn the tables.  Through the magic of the cell phone camera, the hunters became the hunted.  I decided to capture a few of these creatures foraging for food and beverage in the local Wal-Mart one evening and provide a commentary of what I witnessed.  

     This was the picture that launched the whole idea. When I first spotted this vehicle on the highway, I was just sure it was headed to a gas station or the local Walmart to re-stock the ice & beer in that green cooler.  I was wrong.  Much to my dismay, they blew right past every opportunity to load up, which told me they were late arrivals headed to the nearby campground.  Probably stopped off at a motel the night before and spent the first day of deer gun season in a casino.  And why not?  Shooting a deer wasn't really the goal anyway. 

     This one is a bit blurry, but I assure you that guy had on his camouflage regalia and was making a beeline for the beer aisle.  I was trying to find the most discreet way to snap some candid shots without arousing suspicion. 

     This guy was fun.  He seemed to be the social butterfly of his party.  And he has a cool hat.  While capturing this shot, I overheard him conversing with a random shopper.  This is how I learned his crew was from West Virginia.  

     This is the same guy, just moments later in the beer aisle.  I know you can't see it because the picture is lousy, but he still has his fun hat on and has a six-pack tucked under one arm and is going for another one.  Stay thirsty, my friend.  

      This gentleman has brought his son along and they are selecting lunch meat. I thought it was nice he was including his son in his week away from the womenfolk. Also, I thought it was nice of him to get some sammich-making supplies, rather than insisting upon self-sufficiency and playing Survivorman.  Gotta respect a guy who knows his limits. 

     Yes, you need a couple Lunchables for tomorrow, Dude.  It's a long climb down from that tree stand when the hunger strikes.  

     These guys (above) were not together, yet they are simultaneously using technological resources to aid in supplying their respective groups for the hunt.  I'm guessing they drew the short straw for the beer & beef jerky run.  They share the Synchronized Shopping Award. 

     These fellas were on a mission.  At first I thought they were barreling through for the beer aisle. . . .maybe. . . .

        . . .  nope, just grabbing some dew & coke. 

     They then ventured away from the grocery section, and I needed fabric softener, so I decided they were worth tracking a bit further.  

     The trail for this herd ended in the video section.  Here they are discussing the plot of various action films :

     If I were choosing a group to hang out with around the campfire, it would be this one.  Just 3 mild-mannered guys sharing a week in the great outdoors . . . and WalMart.  Since  they were the most interesting ones I found during my hunt, they win the Trophy Buck award.  I wish them well.  

     The guys in the picture below are also on a mission.  If there had been a fence or a hunter orange "caution-wet floor" safety cone in their way, I'm certain they would have leaped right over it.  Since they are headed toward the pharmacy area, I'm thinking maybe they need Rolaids.  

     

     The gentleman above gets the Efficient Checkout Award.  He spent considerable time weighing his checkout options.  After much analysis and evaluation, he selects checkout #1.  He seems satisfied with his decision.  Way to go, Efficient Checkout Guy!

Epilogue:

  The photos that follow represent the departure of our annual visitors.  This photo was harvested the day after the conclusion of deer gun season.  Apparently a stop at WalMart is in order to provide snacks for the debriefing that will occur during the journey back to their native lands.

    Notice there are no deer strapped to the vehicle to herald their success.   Very sad. 

     There were plenty of deer to be had, however.  This one stood by the side of the road so long, I had time to snap several photos.  I'm convinced she would've let me approach her if I had tried.  I have a hard time thinking of these creatures as "elusive."  You just have to know where to look.  The most popular hangout seems to be anyplace near a roadway. 

     For the grand finale, I captured this image the following week.  Someone's makeshift recreational vehicle is for sale.  It truly is the piéce de résistance because the proud creator has thought of everything.  It's mobile.  It has the camouflage, so the occupants can use it as a blind as well as living quarters.  And yes, indeed, that is a snorkel on the right side of the cab.  This is truly a work of engineering genius.  

     I'll never know whether any of the hunters featured here were successful in bagging any deer.  But I know I was successful in nabbing my prey.  

     See you fellas next year.