Taking Stock

It's been over 2 years since I've been a classroom teacher.  That causes me to ponder quite a bit how much my life has changed since the incident that kicked it all off.   If you are new to my blog, the explanation of that ugliness can be found in several posts beginning in July 2013.  

For one thing, my dad finally "gets it."  The "it" being why I could never continue a career that was no longer what it was intended to be initially.  I no longer have to feel like I somehow robbed him of a source of pride.  He's probably more proud of me now that he realizes I wouldn't go back even if I weren't afflicted with an illness, simply because I refuse to be part of something that (in my opinion) seeks to destroy childrens' lives. Maybe that's being overly-dramatic, but we'll see in about 15-20 years. 

Another thing, I have not had daily headaches and nausea as I did when I was working.  Whether that was a psychosomatic thing or actual toxicity within my work environment, I'll never be 100% certain.  I don't really care.  Sick is sick, and I'm thankful that stuff has gone.  

Nobody thinks of schools as being "toxic" environments.  That is, unless they've worked in one and had the opportunity to really learn the dynamics of how things get done and how things work and how it all has to proceed.    

I suppose I should be happy as well that  I managed to get out alive and land somewhat on my feet.  But I haven't reached that point yet.  I hope I can someday forgive the way I was treated and not have this simmering anger just below the surface all the time.  Unfortunately, it's still there and just as potent as it was in the days and months immediately following my exit.  It's just going to have to fade because I see no other way.   

One thing I don't have anymore is daily interaction, with kids, adults, really anybody or anything except my pets.  Maybe that makes me a crazy cat lady, but so what?  Animals are easier anyway.   Truth be told, though, I do miss the kids. And some of the adults.  But this is just the way it has to be and I'm pretty content with solitude.  

I've acquired many new skills.  I can perform slightly-more-than-minor car repairs, I can crochet, I'm more exposed to what's on television, I have no idea what is happening in the news, I've learned to play the mountain dulcimer, I have way more legal smarts than I should, I can do a few household appliance repairs and some carpentry, and I've picked up some caregiver skills. I've made a couple new friends along the way as well.  

So, it's not all bad, and the journey continues . . .